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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 4, 2008 18:56:16 GMT -5
Ever...
*Spoilers*
And I was really getting into it, too. May be because all I could think about was "HELL YEAH, SHOW EM, JET! FASTEST THING IN THE ****IN' UNIVERSE!" I don't know...But **** blows up, and things get crazy go nuts, and I'm really starting to like it...
And then they get to the aftermath...Tails is driving around a space car (How the hell'd he get a license, anyway? He's eight, last time I checked...) and he's explaining just who or what is responsible for everything...and he's at the part where he's about to make everything clear with one word...and he picks the worst word he could think of to use... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...Aliens...
ALIENS!
So apparantly, Jet's a FLIPPING ALIEN!...AND HE'S FROM SPACE, AND HE JUST WANTS TO PHONE HOME...AND HE'S ALSO A GHOST ZOMBIE PIRATE FROM HADES WHO'S COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO...oh sorry...
Yeah, aliens...the Babylons are aliens and Babylon Garden is a spaceship...Now I love Jet...I think he's awesome on a stick, I think he comes with a stick made of pure compressed awesome, then put that on a stick, and deep fried it, and covered it in dough...
...But that just made me shout "WHAT THE HELL!?" to the top of my lungs...multiple times...I mean, do they have to play the alien card AGAIN? After Shadow's multiple run in with the quick dry plothole fix, do we need any more aliens?...I think not...
Oh, and the game is enough awesome to make me orgasm funny colors all over the screen...people keep telling me that's just an item, but I know my man-orgasm fluid when I see it!...Either that or Sonic Team just smoked fuzzy, which by the way, wasn't part of the vacation package...Just had to mention that. . . . Also, Quacker, if there's going to be a page on the Shrine about this game, I'd at least like to take part in it's creation...I could go on for days about the odd little things and lighthearted jokes I could crack about this game...Enough to compress into possibly a full page of good writing, instead of this five minute bunk I just slapped together out of pure shock.
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Post by Akago on Feb 5, 2008 6:16:10 GMT -5
*watched all the cut scenes earlier on* Yeah, I found that to be a pretty WTF ending too. You'd think they'd leave the Alien plot bunny alone. I can't complain that the chaos emeralds went COMPLETELY unmentioned (as far as I saw anyways). Even if the ending was WTF, thats enough to make me just a little bit happy. They did redo another overused plot bunny, which was Robnickland, but I guess they can always use the excuse 'Well, Eggman is persistent enough to try again and again and again.'. I'm assuming thats what they were suggesting when Sonic made the 'The Robnickland plan again? Does he ever give up on that?" comment. (Or something similar, I can't quite remember )
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Post by Quacker Duk on Feb 5, 2008 12:32:30 GMT -5
Eh, I don't mind it that much. To me it makes more sense the the first games ending wich said he was a cyber-genie.
You see, it's not saying that Jet himself is an alien. It's saying that his people were descended from aliens that came to earth in ancient times. Hell, Sonic is probably alien too. They probably interbred, as Amy inferred by her reference to "people" wishing on stars. It helps explain the Babylon gardens and X-tream Gear as well, saying that this is technology was introduced from an advanced race.
There are plenty of real-world theories that Humanity was introduced to this planet by Martian explorers. This is just an extension of that. It neatly tied up the story, made Babylon into much less of an Angel Island knock off, and has a cute reference to the fact we wish on falling stars.
My only two problems with the ending were:
1) It doesn't contradict the Genie ending of the first game, but it is kinda repetitive that every game ends up with Jet's ancestors being something ludicrous. What's the 3rd riders going to have? His ancestors were inder-dimentional rock-stars?
2) The game hinted at the alien thing all the time, but so subtly that it wasn't spelled out untill Amy got bored in the back seat of Tails Hover car, right before the credits. It would have been a lot better if the truth was spelled out right before the black hole scenario, and and Amy added the "Wishing on a star" bit as a touching closing. It would be a lot less WTF.
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Post by Master Silver on Feb 5, 2008 18:00:05 GMT -5
So, Jet's an alien. Woopty friggin dingle doo.
Horrible ending.
Next, Big is gonna be a gangster (though he already is), Sonic will be straight, Shadow's gonna be conquerer of the world, Chris will be mature and Amy will actually be a man!
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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 5, 2008 21:15:12 GMT -5
Well isn't the descendant of an alien still an alien? I mean, that means that Jet's of an alien race...and honestly I still find it kinda out of place, considering how advanced most of the ancient races in this game seem to be *CoughEmerlCough* and how they don't look anything like aliens... Also... ...Also, Quacker, if there's going to be a page on the Shrine about this game, I'd at least like to take part in it's creation...I could go on for days about the odd little things and lighthearted jokes I could crack about this game...Enough to compress into possibly a full page of good writing, instead of this five minute bunk I just slapped together out of pure shock. PLEAAAAAAASE!? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!?
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Post by Quacker Duk on Feb 6, 2008 12:12:42 GMT -5
Two words: Black Doom. An it's not like Jet was descended from anal-probing grey creatures from space. It's just that the ancient Babylonians were originally from another world. They were birds. Jet is still a bird. I suppose his linage is still alien, but technically the same is true of Shadow. I mean, at this point in the series, we have fighting ancient robots, bioweapons made from alien blood, pyrokenetic cats from another dimension, water gods, magic ring genies, and time traveling hedgehogs. I fail to see how the Babylonian's ancestors coming from another planet is in anyway that shocking.
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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 7, 2008 1:05:26 GMT -5
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Post by Quacker Duk on Feb 8, 2008 2:58:55 GMT -5
Ha ha! Sorry I missed your question, man. I'm not sure when I'll have time for the next Shrine page, but I was thinking of doing something on assist trophies in Smash Bros (as in, what the Sonic Crew would do if there were more then Shadow). I'd like to do one on Sonic Riders 2, but I'm not sure what angle to take on it. I mean, I actually liked the game, and feel oddly compelled to defend it.
I appreciate the offer though, and I'll let you know when I'm going to do one. What did you have in mind?
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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 8, 2008 3:27:09 GMT -5
Well, first off, I'd defend the game as well. It was a good game, and this is coming from the kind of person that considers himself a connoisseur of racing games. Honestly, half of my game collection consists of racing games you may not have even heard of, and I usually tear through them in one uber-overnight play-through.
And I'm hard on them, too. You know the Burnout series, the one that everyone seems to be flipping over? I consider that game to be a load of blurry crap aimed for mindless thugs with camera issues so awful that it makes Cosmic Race seem like a good idea...(Though I admit, the Burnout Paradise demo is kinda fun, I've kicked Taylor's ass in it more times then you can count.)
Not to mention that I'm honestly tired of the British whiner-worthy nitpicking that always seems spared for games like Viva Pinata, Halo 3, the entire SSX series (Hell, add everything EA makes to the list), and so on and so forth so they can please the old school elitist crowd that whines on the GameFAQs boards and decides that reading the reviews suddenly gives them an intimate knowledge of the game without even picking up a controller.
But honestly, I loved this game, I loved it good. Hell, if it wasn't a rental that I was using, I'd end up using the disc as a sex toy from the sheer joy that seems to overcome me when I'm playing it. (Or at least not screwing up while I play it) I admit, the average speed is a bit slower, though that's not a problem if you don't suck. Hell, I've already gotten to the point where there's a few levels that I've built up such a line for, that I'm constantly boosting or tricking or gravity shifting or using some sort of trick that results in me running circles around your head...
Though I'd point out little problems here and there, the game's a little low on tracks and characters, no online play, and I honestly found the trick system of the last game to be too simple. (Though it's a lot more familiar to the old boarding levels of the Adventure games, which i assume this game is based off of...honestly...I loved those levels...Dayum...I even tried recreating a few tricks I saw in them in the Create-A-Trick in Tony Hawk Underground.)
Anyway, I guess I'd start off with introducing myself as a fourm user, try to get some attention to a-da cloughb (This place is beyond just a club, it's a cloughb) while making sure to heavily kiss your ass in the process.
...I love you.
Right, right...Then I could always go with the simple review, cracking jokes at things such as the trippy acid trap you can leave behind and the thought of the "Ark of the Cosmos" simply being Shadow's *****in' bachelor pad where he throws mind-numbing alcohol parties, but part of me wants to find an actual review, tear it apart piece by piece, and then, after looking at the end result, poke fun at the breeding habits of the mother who pushed out the little codpiece that wrote said article, going into my own whiny-British styled rant, but only without the accent...and actually funny...and right.
And of course there'd still be the jokes, we couldn't leave those out, but you get the added effect of a "professional" reviewer possibly crying himself to sleep at night...even more so then he already does.
The only problem I could see with that is the possible ***hole-ism level, which I will probably try to keep down to a bare minimum, considering the friendly nature of the site, but IGN/Gamespot/Game Informer/Gamepro/1UP would get shafted as well. Hopefully in a witty and mature way, but that will depend on if I can keep myself from going too deep into said whiny British guy-style rant.
(Also, just a side note, but how come you're not listed as giving endorsement for Shadow's Presidential run? For shame, for shame...)
Edit:I'd also probably keep looking over and rewriting the article in a nervous fit of boredom like I'm doing this post right here, I tend to do that alot...This makes what? The third change in ten minutes?
'Nother Edit:You have silly censors.
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Post by Quacker Duk on Feb 11, 2008 2:17:44 GMT -5
Silly censors, indeed. It's amazing what gets by them, though. I can use the term vagina juice and aparently get away with it. I like your style, Wierdo. You've got moxie man, and I do agree with your statements, especially about the speed. The trick system is a bit oversimplified this time, too, but I'm fine with it since the old one was almost too complicated for casual players. I guess asking casual gamers to learning the gravity dive, motion control, AND SSX-style trick landing would be a bit much. IT's hard to find people interested in 2 player riders. Also, I get the feeling that the speed and tricks were toned down to work better with the tilt control (which I actually really liked). As I said, I'm not sure when I'll be doing the article, but I'll definitely let you know. You raise a good point about the Shadow for President thing as well. In fact -- I need to update the Shadow for President section of the site. I've been meaning to do that, but things keep popping up. Would you ever be interested in writing a few pieces for that? If you have any ideas for funny Shadow/Election bits, give me a pitch.
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Post by Akago on Feb 11, 2008 10:27:35 GMT -5
Woo, I wanna help, I wanna help! *bricked* I have a few ideas for Shadums platforms I needa get typed up and sent to you if you want to read them.
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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 11, 2008 17:06:33 GMT -5
Well, as I said, I'd be willing to write the entire Riders 2 article for you. I'd even throw in pictures so all you'd have to do is slap it on the website and be done with it.
That being said, I'm not the most politically knowledgeable person around, but I do have an idea swimming in my head about the death penalty. To sum it up, Shaddums would save a buck or two by replacing death row with a bathroom. And in this bathroom, there's a guy wearing a paper bag on his head who just bashes people on the skull with a wrench and throws them into the bathtub.
With the money he'll save, he can raise the funding on...um...saving...orphaned...ozone layers...
Hooray!
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Post by Akago on Feb 11, 2008 17:16:09 GMT -5
xD Nice idea Weirdo. I typed a small one up on Gun control which solves the stem cell research spesimans problem at the same time.
Gun Control. While Shadow realizes there can be a need to protect oneself and a want to have a gun (He wouldn't be himself without packing a semi-automatic after all), he does not want to see those with less then a handful of brain cells using them. After all, thats what got everyone he cared about killed.
Therefore, Shadow has come up with a solution called a smart gun. Each gun is equipped with a small censor which reads someones genetic structure and mental patterns. If either is incompatible with what is considered needed to intelligently use a gun, the person is then delivered an electric shock strong enough to make them release the gun before it can be used. Should someone try and remove this censor, the gun will self destruct from a small explosive. This would cause the parts of the gun to break apart and become damaged enough to be unusable. When the explosion is activated, it of course is controlled enough where the person tampering is the only one hurt.
This will also solve the problem of Stem cell research specimens. After all, in the intellectual bankrupt society of today, many people will try to remove these censors. When they are killed from the explosion, their stem cells can be used. No one would complain about it then, since it's obvious the stem cells would be more use then the person alive was.
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Post by Weirdo94 on Feb 11, 2008 18:17:10 GMT -5
Woo, hoo! Add that to the spines he'll rip out of sex offenders and we'll be set for life on stem cells and cranberry daiquiris!
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Post by Quacker Duk on Feb 25, 2008 12:18:18 GMT -5
Woah, Akago! I just saw your piece (this has been a busy week or so for me). That's pretty sweet. I'll add it to the site later this week (or weekend). Good stuff.
Yeah, I'm always up for more political views for Shadow. I suppose we'd better hurry up. Now that he's won the primaries, he's going to need to beat out the other candidates. (Beat out metaphorically, of course).
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